Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
