I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
