take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
