When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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