Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
