they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
