VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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