I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
