my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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