All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i came on her dog
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize