i think my tv is drunk
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
