no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so let's talk penis.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
