so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
