if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
