Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
