Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
These tits shall not be calmed
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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