Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
