I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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