On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
