can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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