If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize