hell yes lets make some ravioli
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
