dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
