you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
