You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
