Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
