Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
