singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
