I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dignity is for republicans.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
