I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
