remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Drunk is not a location!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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