So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
