The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
