I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
