And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
