wat bout pragnant strippers??
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
