So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
