Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
