Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Randomize
