hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
