i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We had to coat check the pizza.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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