He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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