so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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