My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
