i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's never too late to be topless.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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