your thong is hanging out like whoa
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
