Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
