Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
