Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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