Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize