Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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