Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
