its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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