he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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