Non-Jews are for practice
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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