I didn't shave. On purpose
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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