it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
