I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
