i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
