Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
