he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
