She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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