Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
