I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize