We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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