Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
