I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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