i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
