If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
