WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i think my cat just said my name.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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